Is Being Childfree or Childless Selfish? 

Every so often, I am hit with the bold impositions about being CHILDFREE. 

Them: God gave you a uterus and breasts for a reason. 

Them: You just haven’t met the right guy yet.

Them: It’s your biblical duty to procreate, be fruitful, and multiply.

Them: Your biological clock is ticking, what are you going to do when your eggs turn to powder?

(My favorite) Them: You’re being selfish, children are a blessing.  What if your mother didn’t have you? Umm… that choice was HERS not mine and here we are…

I knew from a very early age that I didn’t want any children.  I have always loved being by myself, I am introverted and I thrive being at my own pace.  I wanted to travel, be career-focused, and having a kid was never on my TO-DO list.  Now in my 40’s.  It is a most SOLID decision. 

A guy I was dating a few years ago broke it off with me immediately after we had the conversation that I don’t want any children.  He wanted another child, (he had one from a previous relationship).

It definitely would not have worked out and I respected him more for being honest rather than wait later on to resent me if I got pregnant and I didn’t want to keep it.  Could you imagine?

What is this obsession or obligation that society puts on men and ESPECIALLY women for not having children?  This notion also comes with misconceptions:

• WE HATE KIDS.

Just because we don’t have any does not mean that we hate them!  I have 3 most beautiful Goddaughters and a  Godson- 14, 16, 3, and 21 years old respectively.  I love them to the moon and back.  The 21-year-old is expecting her first child and I am UBER excited.  I know what the responsibilities are with being a God-parent and I take my role seriously, I just don’t want any of my own.  Never did.

• YOUR SCHEDULE IS EMPTY

They assume no kids equate to all the free time without having to take care of one or more in our lives.  We embrace our time with work, hobbies, schedules, travel, or even just resting.  Our time is just as valuable as anyone with children.

• WE ARE SELFISH

They assume that we  just want to live a luxurious life, shy away from responsibilities, or just want to preserve our bodies so we don’t have to worry about “stretch marks”.

First of all. I STILL have responsibilities, I help my siblings and family members when I can, I have an apartment to take care of, my job, my blog, and proofreading business are all in fact a full-time responsibility! 

Second of all. It’s superficial and unfair to say I am thinking of not “spoiling” my good physique.  I take very good care of my body, my mental health as well is necessary to have first preference.  My mother is 62 years old with 6 kids and still looks like she is 32! 

Good genes run in my family as they say.  I know what I’ll look like in 20 years and that is with or without children. 

I also know of a lot of women who had children and you would never know.  Their bodies remain enviously the same after childbirth.  Kudos!  The silly notion that your body falls apart after you have a child is a myth.  My friends with kids always say the key is a good diet and exercise before, during, and even after childbirth.

Female identity isn’t SOLELY about motherhood.  For most couples or women in general, it is a CHOICE. 

Some women are CHILDLESS and that most times is due to fertility, medical or generic issues.  They want a child but cannot bear one.  If a medical condition was hampering your childbearing option and it came down to choosing your life, you chose to then be CHILDFREE to save your own life, is that deemed SELFISH?  What about miscarriages?  A rape victim choosing to abort?  There are so many childfree and childless life choices women are making every day.

The way I see it, ANY lifestyle that you choose has its pros and cons, I have friends with one child, two and even five children.  It is no walk in the park to raise them in this economy.  However, in the same light, it is no easy street being childfree.  We have to adjust to the ever-changing economy as well in our own way.   I need  Society to let go of these asinine expectations and judgments.  Just respect people’s decisions on this sensitive subject and don’t be so contentious.  Damn!  Can we live? 

Even though we have the same reproductive system we have different desires. 

Motherhood or Parenthood is not MANDATORY, it is a CHOICE.  Be safe out there.

Comment below if you are also childfree and experience these stigmas.  I’d love to hear from you. 

XOXO

” If someone calls you SELFISH for being childfree, simply ask them why they decided to have children. Their answer will usually begin with I WANTED”

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