Why Abstain from Sex – A Woman Shares The Truth Behind Her Abstinence Journey

Why I decided to abstain from sex by Stacy (Writer’s name has been changed to maintain anonymity).

Stacy volunteered her story as part of her healing and self-love journey and to hopefully inspire others with her honesty as to why abstinence was so important to her.

I hit a personal milestone on April 29th, 2021.  That day marked the one-year anniversary of my last sexual encounter.  Some of you might be thinking, why would anyone ever decide to voluntarily abstain from sex?  Is she crazy?  Would she grow scales on her genitalia? 

This must be for religious reasons.  Some of you might also be wondering how anyone could possibly survive by making such a difficult decision.  For me, it was actually quite an easy decision to make.

The reason I decided to abstain from sex was that I had just ended a “situationship” with someone.  I actually ended a prior abstinence ban from sex, of one year and nine months, to sleep with him.  I thought he was worth it.  He seemed too good to be true.  We met through a mutual friend, by random chance.  A week later, he asked our mutual friend for my phone number. 

We got to know each other over talking and texting and after hanging out a few times, I started to feel that if I didn’t sleep with him, he would lose interest in me.  That feeling can be attributed to my ongoing struggles with self-worth.  That feeling of him losing interest, coupled with simply being ready to have sex after one year and nine months, were my deciding factors to sleep with him.  I really thought he was worth it. 

I let my guard down with him and we eventually slept together.  Yes, the sex was great but that was it. After each encounter, my spirit always felt heavy and I couldn’t figure out why.  Little did I know, this guy had a girlfriend/baby mama.  He sought me out with the aim of using me as a distraction/outlet because he was having relationship problems with his girlfriend. 

I decided to end things with him.  I sought therapy and by doing so, I realized the harm that sleeping with that guy did to me.  I let someone toxic into my mind, body, and spirit.  I fully believe in the transference of spirits and soul ties when you are intimate with someone.  I decided that I needed a cleanse, mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

After deciding to abstain from sex, along with therapy, I started to work on myself and thought about what I wanted out of life and a relationship.  I asked myself, was having casual sex serving me in any way?  I decided that it wasn’t serving my emotional needs, only my physical needs.  I instead focused my energy on my internal healing, eating better, and exercising.

I started listening to relationship/life coaches on YouTube and through those videos, I learned about the importance of valuing myself.  I learned that sleeping with a man would not make him love me.  Due to this, I will not be having sex until I meet someone who enriches my soul.  Someone who is able to fulfill my needs in every aspect.

Do I miss having sex?  Of course, I do.  I am human, after all.  What helps ease any urges is trying to divert my attention elsewhere.  That works for me.  Another option is definitely self-gratification.  I would advise investing in a sex toy of some kind or use your hands.  Discover what your body likes.  Abstinence is a great way to rediscover yourself.

I haven’t been in a relationship while abstaining from sex, but I would hope that whoever I end up with, would understand that sex isn’t the key component in a relationship, and that he would understand that sometimes waiting is worth it. 

I would like for us to take the time to be fully invested in one another first, so that when we do have sex, we would already be in a committed, exclusive, fulfilling, and loving relationship.

Thank you Stacy for sharing your truth. 

Would you practice abstinence?  What advice would you give to those who are planning to abstain from sex?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

XOXO

“Chastity, like honesty, is a civic as well as personal virtue. When a society loses chastity, it begins to destroy itself”

J. WILLIAM SCHICKEL