5 Steps to Forgiveness

I’ve learned that forgiveness does not only involve the word “sorry”.  There are layers to this.  Sometimes, the apology we seek and hope for over time, grows into anger, bitterness, and resentment towards that person when it never comes. 

I’ve learned that forgiveness is something we have to find within ourselves.  It’s hard to forgive someone who caused you pain and hurt you to the core.  Don’t beat yourself up thinking that you’re accepting or excusing their behavior by forgiving them.  It’s about letting go and preventing that behavior from hurting you again.

It is something I am working on.  I hope these steps help you to forgive too.

1. DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST

Accept that what happened was in the past.  The action was done.  You cannot change anything about it.  Dwelling on the past and dragging the hurt and negative feelings with you in the future will not help your healing.  Take away their power over you so that you can regain and control your own future. 

  2. DON’T BLAME YOURSELF

Forgiveness can be hard because we may think that once we forgive, they were right and we deserved their mistreatment.  Their wrongdoing was their action, insecurities, and reflection of themselves projected onto you.  Don’t blame yourself for it.  Know that you have done the best you knew how at the time. 

    3. CHOOSE TO FORGIVE

Until you decide that you want to heal, move on and be at peace, you have to make the choice to forgive.  If you don’t, you’re just holding on to the resentment and keeping yourself vulnerable.  Forgive Yourself!  Make that choice to end the negativity it’s causing in your life. 

   4. FIND THE LESSON

Every experience is a lesson learned along life’s journey.  Examine the situation, understand the red flags or underlying actions, listen to your intuition, and find the lesson learned so as not to have a repeat. 

    5. SPEAK OUT

Remember what you allow in your life, will manifest.  If you say nothing when someone hurts you,  they will learn that it is ok to continue to hurt you.  Stand up for yourself.  Explain how it makes you feel.  Let them know how they hurt you or wronged you. 

This dialogue may get them to apologize to you.  If not, and it meant walking away, you would have been clear as to why you made that decision.  Remember their actions or inactions have nothing to do with you.  Find your peace regardless. 

I believe that through forgiveness, you can get freedom from the pain caused and peace within.  I hope this helped.  Leave me a comment if it resonates.

XOXO

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it”

MARK TWAIN